I am always so happy when we have other women join our dojo or try a class -- because it's a rarity. When it does happen the most important thing is to make them feel welcome. If you've been in the martial arts for any length of time, you've probably forgotten how intimidating class is/was when you first started. Or maybe you liked it right away -- I, for sure, did not.
The first time I tried our martial arts class, I didn't want to go back for the second class. The techniques that I learned during the first class weren't difficult -- it was the sheer loudness of the class that got to me -- something I never would have expected. I'm not a wishy washy kinda girl, but somehow for me, the loudness made everything seem all the more violent -- not something I was looking for. I distinctly remember during the warm up exercises (in the beginning of class) -- the whole class was slapping the mats and kiaiing. The combo made for a deafening roar -- when I was expecting a softer more mellow atmosphere. Get me outta there.
Long story short -- my husband convinced me to go back to the second class -- and I've been loving class ever since. But I can see for those ladies who try class without a partner or without a friend -- they may not have a friend or loved one convince them to go back and give it a second chance. The first time you try something completely new and different can be quite shocking -- the second time you try it -- not so shocking, third time, even less shocking, etc. Until it's not shocking anymore, and realize you just might like it.
As a girl in the dojo, I try and help ALL new students get to the place where they are less shocked and can truly evaluate whether class is for them or not. But with the women, I'm extra sensitive. Here are some things that may go through their minds:
1. Being shocked. I like to warn all new students, especially women about some things that may be shocking at first. Somehow if they know it's coming -- it helps lighten the blow.
2. Being accepted & welcomed. We all know that women can be catty. I like to relieve a women's concerns about this right off the bat. I'm not here to compete with her or be catty, there's no room in the dojo for those games -- I'm here to help her (as well as the other students). Plus everyone wants to feel welcome in a new environment that is already intimidating and scary -- both men and women.
3. Not knowing if they can do it. My job and your job is to show them that they can do it -- by performing your techniques well. Inspire and push those beneath you by pushing yourself.
I'm not what you would consider a girly girl. Sometimes we get girly girls in the dojo -- the ones that have two inch long acrylic nails, come in with a full face of makeup, hair done up, etc. That's fine. They are welcome. With these girls it's even more important to follow numbers 1-3 above. Do not ignore them. Do not get catty. Make them feel welcome, because more so than anyone else they may feel shocked and completely out of their element.
I'm a bit biased in that I really truly believe that martial arts can help all people -- but it's up to each person to find that. They're the ones that have to climb the hill. Help them get through the shock, make them feel welcome -- so they can have a chance to really learn.
I'm so glad that I didn't follow through on my initial decision to not go back to class -- because it was a decision based on fear. Help the new students get through the fear.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Teenage Addendum -- Fun
I didn't mention a very important part of teaching teenage boys, mostly because I'm still learning the concept myself. One thing that helps with teenage boys is to make sure they have fun.
This is difficult in a traditional martial arts dojo where the concept of "fun" is the repetition and perfection of techniques and challenging yourself to perform better than the class before. Very few adults have the patience for this kind of training -- let alone teenage boys. I can tell them that the process of training is the most important part -- that the "way" in which you do everything is just as important as what you are doing --- but they don't want to hear that, nor should they. They're not ready for that yet.
What they want and need -- is to have their minds engaged. One way to do that is to make sure they are having fun. Not fun through joking or messing around. But fun through movement and challenge.
The other night I had an opportunity to work with one of the more difficult students in our class -- he most likely has a severe case of ADHD. I don't ask, mostly because it doesn't matter -- in the dojo -- we train, regardless of who you are or what you come in with.
On previous occasions this particular student stretched me to my limits. He would make up his own "kata" in the middle of serious practice, he would turn the other way while the head instructor was giving instruction, and would overtly laugh or giggle when the instructor would give him corrections directly. I'm sure every student in the dojo has secretly dreamed of putting this kid in his place.
Ok -- back to my story. The other night I had an opportunity to work with this particular student. However, prior to showing up at the dojo I had been thinking about him and thinking about how our Sensei responds to this student who has been by far the most challenging I have seen in my short 10 years. What I realized is that when all the other students are fuming (myself included) at the kid's behaviour, our instructor is always calm and good natured with him. So before class the other day, I decided that I would try a different tact if I had the opportunity to work out with the student. Low and behold -- the opportunity presented itself.
Class was class -- we maybe did a few things that the student had not been exposed to before -- but nothing uncharacteristic of what would be in a typical class -- what was different was my attitude. As soon as my attitude changed -- the kid changed. I had decided that I was going to have fun working out with him. What ended up happening is that he had fun too. We had a great time workout together. And during that time -- he was focused and respectful -- well 90% of time which is light years ahead of where he was.
It taught me something. It taught me a different way to connect with him and teach him. I only have my instructor's patience -- both for myself and for the teenager to thank.
This is difficult in a traditional martial arts dojo where the concept of "fun" is the repetition and perfection of techniques and challenging yourself to perform better than the class before. Very few adults have the patience for this kind of training -- let alone teenage boys. I can tell them that the process of training is the most important part -- that the "way" in which you do everything is just as important as what you are doing --- but they don't want to hear that, nor should they. They're not ready for that yet.
What they want and need -- is to have their minds engaged. One way to do that is to make sure they are having fun. Not fun through joking or messing around. But fun through movement and challenge.
The other night I had an opportunity to work with one of the more difficult students in our class -- he most likely has a severe case of ADHD. I don't ask, mostly because it doesn't matter -- in the dojo -- we train, regardless of who you are or what you come in with.
On previous occasions this particular student stretched me to my limits. He would make up his own "kata" in the middle of serious practice, he would turn the other way while the head instructor was giving instruction, and would overtly laugh or giggle when the instructor would give him corrections directly. I'm sure every student in the dojo has secretly dreamed of putting this kid in his place.
Ok -- back to my story. The other night I had an opportunity to work with this particular student. However, prior to showing up at the dojo I had been thinking about him and thinking about how our Sensei responds to this student who has been by far the most challenging I have seen in my short 10 years. What I realized is that when all the other students are fuming (myself included) at the kid's behaviour, our instructor is always calm and good natured with him. So before class the other day, I decided that I would try a different tact if I had the opportunity to work out with the student. Low and behold -- the opportunity presented itself.
Class was class -- we maybe did a few things that the student had not been exposed to before -- but nothing uncharacteristic of what would be in a typical class -- what was different was my attitude. As soon as my attitude changed -- the kid changed. I had decided that I was going to have fun working out with him. What ended up happening is that he had fun too. We had a great time workout together. And during that time -- he was focused and respectful -- well 90% of time which is light years ahead of where he was.
It taught me something. It taught me a different way to connect with him and teach him. I only have my instructor's patience -- both for myself and for the teenager to thank.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Working With / Teaching Men: Part 2 of 2
Teenage Boys
One of the bigger challenges I've had in teaching men is working with teenage boys. They have new bodies that they don't know quite how to work yet, tons of hormones that make them freak out, and sometimes a very healthy dose of lethargy and laziness. Plus, by the time they come to us -- there isn't much respect there for female authority figures.
In our dojo, most of the teenage boys that show up -- are not there out of their own free will -- meaning their parents make them show up. Most of the time that means a combination of several things:
-- No father in the home or comes from a broken home
-- The kid needs discipline and/or focus and is probably not doing well in school
-- The kid is getting picked on
-- The kid spends too much time on the computer/watching TV and is not active
-- The kid hasn't been well socialized -- i.e. social skills are lacking
-- They have other issues: ADD, ADHD, developmental disorders, etc.
The teenagers that don't show up with one or two of the above items -- are typically fine to work with. Good kids. But the other one's, the one's that need our help the most -- are also the biggest challenges. It's even tougher if you're a woman trying to help them.
As I mentioned, in most of my experience -- the most challenging teenage boys come in not respecting female authority figures. It's nothing personal. In fact, it might be pretty primal. They know they need to listen to a big guy -- a small girl, umm there is some question there. These are also the same kids that are acting up/rough housing outside of the dojo -- with their mothers standing by just watching, not saying a word. Then they bring their kids inside to us. They're used to several "norms" of behavior when they come to us. It sometimes takes awhile to change their thinking.
It's tough, but we're not allowed to give up on students -- no matter how much they don't want to be taught.
What's Worked for Me...so far (I'm still learning on the way)
** NOTE: You may not like the words I'm about to write -- and I don't propose this method. It's just something I've developed over the years in trying to get through to the most challenged youths. Each person will develop their own teachning style over time.
With teenage boys that are the most challenging, I've found the following things work:
1. Have a clear conversation. I like to have an open convesation with them as I look them directly in the eye. This way there is no pretense. Honesty makes things more simple and clear. Some how when you discuss negative behaviour out in the open, it changes. Kids are pretty smart. They'll keep trying the same old stuff that has worked at home or at school -- until someone calls them on it. I'll say things like:
-- "Do you know what sandbagging is? It's when someone is pretending not to do as well as they could be doing. I think you're sandbagging. You and I both know you're not trying 100%. I know you're capable of more than that."
**But it always has to come from a place of wanting to help them. And you have to believe it to say it -- otherwise they'll see right through you.
2. For every "come down hard"-- you need some "atta boys" thrown in for good measure. How many "atta boys" you need will depend on the person. Sometimes someone needs 10 "atta boys" (compliments) for every time you come down hard on them, others it's a 1:1 ratio. Either way, it has to be a combo of coming down hard balanced with compliments of things they're doing well.
3. Tire them out. Gotta tire them out physcally or else they simply can't listen -- plus they have so much built up energy -- it's gotta go somewhere. I do this through challenges like 1,000 punches, or holding difficult stances for an extended period of time. I even tell them that I don't care if their legs shake or hurt or if they fall down -- they need to hold it anyway. Amazingly -- most of the time they like the challenge. They get a challenge -- and I get them worn out so then can listen. Win win.
In general -- it's balanced tough love -- but it sets the stage for clear expectations and doesn't allow them to play the same games that they play every where else... school, home, etc. In fact, most of the troubled kids are just calling out for attention -- any kind good or bad. I like to cut through the crap and end the game.
One of the bigger challenges I've had in teaching men is working with teenage boys. They have new bodies that they don't know quite how to work yet, tons of hormones that make them freak out, and sometimes a very healthy dose of lethargy and laziness. Plus, by the time they come to us -- there isn't much respect there for female authority figures.
In our dojo, most of the teenage boys that show up -- are not there out of their own free will -- meaning their parents make them show up. Most of the time that means a combination of several things:
-- No father in the home or comes from a broken home
-- The kid needs discipline and/or focus and is probably not doing well in school
-- The kid is getting picked on
-- The kid spends too much time on the computer/watching TV and is not active
-- The kid hasn't been well socialized -- i.e. social skills are lacking
-- They have other issues: ADD, ADHD, developmental disorders, etc.
The teenagers that don't show up with one or two of the above items -- are typically fine to work with. Good kids. But the other one's, the one's that need our help the most -- are also the biggest challenges. It's even tougher if you're a woman trying to help them.
As I mentioned, in most of my experience -- the most challenging teenage boys come in not respecting female authority figures. It's nothing personal. In fact, it might be pretty primal. They know they need to listen to a big guy -- a small girl, umm there is some question there. These are also the same kids that are acting up/rough housing outside of the dojo -- with their mothers standing by just watching, not saying a word. Then they bring their kids inside to us. They're used to several "norms" of behavior when they come to us. It sometimes takes awhile to change their thinking.
It's tough, but we're not allowed to give up on students -- no matter how much they don't want to be taught.
What's Worked for Me...so far (I'm still learning on the way)
** NOTE: You may not like the words I'm about to write -- and I don't propose this method. It's just something I've developed over the years in trying to get through to the most challenged youths. Each person will develop their own teachning style over time.
With teenage boys that are the most challenging, I've found the following things work:
1. Have a clear conversation. I like to have an open convesation with them as I look them directly in the eye. This way there is no pretense. Honesty makes things more simple and clear. Some how when you discuss negative behaviour out in the open, it changes. Kids are pretty smart. They'll keep trying the same old stuff that has worked at home or at school -- until someone calls them on it. I'll say things like:
-- "Do you know what sandbagging is? It's when someone is pretending not to do as well as they could be doing. I think you're sandbagging. You and I both know you're not trying 100%. I know you're capable of more than that."
**But it always has to come from a place of wanting to help them. And you have to believe it to say it -- otherwise they'll see right through you.
2. For every "come down hard"-- you need some "atta boys" thrown in for good measure. How many "atta boys" you need will depend on the person. Sometimes someone needs 10 "atta boys" (compliments) for every time you come down hard on them, others it's a 1:1 ratio. Either way, it has to be a combo of coming down hard balanced with compliments of things they're doing well.
3. Tire them out. Gotta tire them out physcally or else they simply can't listen -- plus they have so much built up energy -- it's gotta go somewhere. I do this through challenges like 1,000 punches, or holding difficult stances for an extended period of time. I even tell them that I don't care if their legs shake or hurt or if they fall down -- they need to hold it anyway. Amazingly -- most of the time they like the challenge. They get a challenge -- and I get them worn out so then can listen. Win win.
In general -- it's balanced tough love -- but it sets the stage for clear expectations and doesn't allow them to play the same games that they play every where else... school, home, etc. In fact, most of the troubled kids are just calling out for attention -- any kind good or bad. I like to cut through the crap and end the game.
Working With / Teaching Men: Part 1 of 2
I've been fortunate to be involved in a dojo that has students start teaching other students pretty early. It's part of our philosophy of helping one another learn and grow in the dojo -- they learn the technique and you learn how to teach. Both take time and practice.
The plain truth is that most people who start the martial arts -- do so because they want to learn self defense. The majority of those people are men. Most men don't want to learn self-defense from a woman. Period. Not because you're not good, or knowledgeable, or highly ranked -- but because you're a girl.
There is an unspoken dynamic that happens when a woman teaches a man in the dojo. No one really likes to talk about it, and we often pretend it doesn't exist -- but it does. How you navigate that dynamic -- is important to your training and theirs.
Most of the time you won't have any issues teaching men and getting through this dynamic. However, in my years I've encountered a few groups that pose additional challenges.
Some Men Over 40 or Very Machismo Men
Many men who are much older than you (old enough to be your father) will have a tough time recieving comments or instruction from you. They will see you first as a girl/woman/female -- it doesn't matter what color your belt is, how good you are etc -- you are a girl. Period. They will think that you teaching them is rather cute. They might even smile or chuckle at your instruction -- not in a mean way, but you're just so darn cute when you're telling them what to do. And if you're rather good at techniques -- they'll think that's cute too.
Deep down, they're afraid of hurting you. The truth of the matter is that they want to be able to test out what they learn on guys who know how to defend themselves -- guys that they don't have to worry about hurting.
They'll never imagine that if the two of you met in an alley -- that you might actually win. That concept is not in the realm of reality for them. This is a good thing. As a serious martial artist, you don't actually want people to know that you study martial arts. If they do know, you probably don't want to let on how good you are. Keeping the element of surprise in your favor is always good.
How you work with them/teach them
Most men in this category actually want to learn and most will take their training rather seriously. You have to take the fact that you're a girl -- out of the equation. Your goal is to have them take you seriously as a dojo mate/instructor. You will never be able to get it 100% out of their minds -- but you can get 75% out.
I've had the most luck doing this by working on my techniques and making sure they are as effective as possible. Yes, that means you will need to work harder at making your techniques better. If you are able to apply your techniques effectively to larger and stronger opponents -- this speaks volumes. This means being able to throw someone bigger than you or block a punch from someone stronger than you. Truth wins...and the simple truth is that if your techniques work and are effective, men will be more open to receiving comments from you. Make the fact that you are a girl -- irrelevant.
The other way to get them to be more open to recieving comments from you is through control. What I mean by "control" is that the moment you touch them, maybe even before you touch them -- you are in control of them and the situation. The sense of control is in your touch and in your presence. They will feel this. It will remove any question. You can only get this through good technique.You'll know they feel it when the smirk on their face immediately dissappears. Then the training can begin. No question.
The plain truth is that most people who start the martial arts -- do so because they want to learn self defense. The majority of those people are men. Most men don't want to learn self-defense from a woman. Period. Not because you're not good, or knowledgeable, or highly ranked -- but because you're a girl.
There is an unspoken dynamic that happens when a woman teaches a man in the dojo. No one really likes to talk about it, and we often pretend it doesn't exist -- but it does. How you navigate that dynamic -- is important to your training and theirs.
Most of the time you won't have any issues teaching men and getting through this dynamic. However, in my years I've encountered a few groups that pose additional challenges.
Some Men Over 40 or Very Machismo Men
Many men who are much older than you (old enough to be your father) will have a tough time recieving comments or instruction from you. They will see you first as a girl/woman/female -- it doesn't matter what color your belt is, how good you are etc -- you are a girl. Period. They will think that you teaching them is rather cute. They might even smile or chuckle at your instruction -- not in a mean way, but you're just so darn cute when you're telling them what to do. And if you're rather good at techniques -- they'll think that's cute too.
Deep down, they're afraid of hurting you. The truth of the matter is that they want to be able to test out what they learn on guys who know how to defend themselves -- guys that they don't have to worry about hurting.
They'll never imagine that if the two of you met in an alley -- that you might actually win. That concept is not in the realm of reality for them. This is a good thing. As a serious martial artist, you don't actually want people to know that you study martial arts. If they do know, you probably don't want to let on how good you are. Keeping the element of surprise in your favor is always good.
How you work with them/teach them
Most men in this category actually want to learn and most will take their training rather seriously. You have to take the fact that you're a girl -- out of the equation. Your goal is to have them take you seriously as a dojo mate/instructor. You will never be able to get it 100% out of their minds -- but you can get 75% out.
I've had the most luck doing this by working on my techniques and making sure they are as effective as possible. Yes, that means you will need to work harder at making your techniques better. If you are able to apply your techniques effectively to larger and stronger opponents -- this speaks volumes. This means being able to throw someone bigger than you or block a punch from someone stronger than you. Truth wins...and the simple truth is that if your techniques work and are effective, men will be more open to receiving comments from you. Make the fact that you are a girl -- irrelevant.
The other way to get them to be more open to recieving comments from you is through control. What I mean by "control" is that the moment you touch them, maybe even before you touch them -- you are in control of them and the situation. The sense of control is in your touch and in your presence. They will feel this. It will remove any question. You can only get this through good technique.You'll know they feel it when the smirk on their face immediately dissappears. Then the training can begin. No question.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Being Hit On in the Dojo
If you're a girl -- at one time or another, you'll probably get hit on in the dojo and if you're focused on your training, it will probably come as a surprise. I'll share with you some of the types of people you may encounter at one time or another in your training:
** Important note: the following comments are from my personal experiences only. If you ever feel that you are in danger or are asked to do things that make you extremely uncomfortable -- speak to your Sensei immediately. If it's coming from your head instructor -- leave immediately.
1. The Sleazy Senior Student
Ways to spot them: Inevitably there will probably be one sleazy senior student in the dojo. The good news is that they typically end up leaving. This type of person may be an excellent instructor of techniques, but spends extra time focusing their attention on young teenage girls, biding their time until they turn 18. Or making aggressive advances towards girls that are already spoken for (married or otherwise). The single, available girls of age -- bear no interest for them. They are typically in their 40's or older but are trying to appear ever youthful.
How to deal with them: Take note -- they are typically harmless. All of their efforts are to stroke an aging ego. If anyone actually took them up on their offers or advances -- they would be shocked and wouldn't know what to do. For them it's a harmless game and chase. So smile and nod. You're probably not in danger. The less attention you to pay to them -- the better. However, if you feel that it's getting really out of hand and you're ready to leave because of it -- always speak to your Sensei.
2. The Chauvinist
Ways to spot them: This is an interesting character because the chauvinist never thinks that they are a chauvinist -- instead they think they're celebrating women. This type of person can be married or unmarried. When around other men (women may or may not be present also), they will go to great lengths to discuss how much women find them attractive and hit on them. They will also discuss how they control situations with their wives or girlfriends -- so that their women "don't get out of hand." If you go out to eat with the group, you will find this person flirting with the waitresses. If you are female you will also find that this person flirts with you. It doesn't mean they're interested in you -- they actually believe that this is the only way that women can relate to or talk with men.
How to deal with them: They like to have their ego's stroked. Smile, nod, and ignore. If you challenge their assumptions about women you will be seen as "too sensitive."
3. The New Student
Ways to spot them: Well, they're new. And if you're in a teaching position, you may or may not experience new male students becoming enamored with you or having a crush on you. They will stick around after class to ask you questions about why you joined etc, and generally try and engage you in conversation more than anyone else. This typically happens the first class or the first week. This may or may not be a sign that they are developing a crush -- but either way I like to nip it in the bud early so that they don't get the wrong impression and so we don't end up losing a student.
How to deal with them: They are harmless. As soon as they start asking me questions, I always work in that I started with my husband. It only takes one sentence -- and it's best to do it early before they get their hopes up.
Word of Caution for Dating Someone in the Dojo
Different dojo's have different rules when it comes to this. Personally, even though I started the martial arts with my husband, we've been pretty fortunate -- mostly because we had a solid relationship before starting our training together. However -- more often than not, I've seen personal relationships that start in the dojo -- end badly. When this happens and both people still continue to study in the same dojo -- it gets uncomfortable, and I mean really uncomfortable.... for everyone. Even if you try and not make it so. Eventually one person will leave. If you start a relationship with someone in the dojo -- one of you will most likely be the one to leave the dojo -- figure out if you're willing to be the one to sacrifice that.
Take it in as your training, girls. This is real life. The dojo is not perfect and neither are the people in it. Don't run away from an uncomfortable situation -- figure out how to deal with it because I promise you it will not be the first time nor the last. The dojo can be a microcosm of the real world -- your training doesn't begin and end only with the physical techniques.
** Important note: the following comments are from my personal experiences only. If you ever feel that you are in danger or are asked to do things that make you extremely uncomfortable -- speak to your Sensei immediately. If it's coming from your head instructor -- leave immediately.
1. The Sleazy Senior Student
Ways to spot them: Inevitably there will probably be one sleazy senior student in the dojo. The good news is that they typically end up leaving. This type of person may be an excellent instructor of techniques, but spends extra time focusing their attention on young teenage girls, biding their time until they turn 18. Or making aggressive advances towards girls that are already spoken for (married or otherwise). The single, available girls of age -- bear no interest for them. They are typically in their 40's or older but are trying to appear ever youthful.
How to deal with them: Take note -- they are typically harmless. All of their efforts are to stroke an aging ego. If anyone actually took them up on their offers or advances -- they would be shocked and wouldn't know what to do. For them it's a harmless game and chase. So smile and nod. You're probably not in danger. The less attention you to pay to them -- the better. However, if you feel that it's getting really out of hand and you're ready to leave because of it -- always speak to your Sensei.
2. The Chauvinist
Ways to spot them: This is an interesting character because the chauvinist never thinks that they are a chauvinist -- instead they think they're celebrating women. This type of person can be married or unmarried. When around other men (women may or may not be present also), they will go to great lengths to discuss how much women find them attractive and hit on them. They will also discuss how they control situations with their wives or girlfriends -- so that their women "don't get out of hand." If you go out to eat with the group, you will find this person flirting with the waitresses. If you are female you will also find that this person flirts with you. It doesn't mean they're interested in you -- they actually believe that this is the only way that women can relate to or talk with men.
How to deal with them: They like to have their ego's stroked. Smile, nod, and ignore. If you challenge their assumptions about women you will be seen as "too sensitive."
3. The New Student
Ways to spot them: Well, they're new. And if you're in a teaching position, you may or may not experience new male students becoming enamored with you or having a crush on you. They will stick around after class to ask you questions about why you joined etc, and generally try and engage you in conversation more than anyone else. This typically happens the first class or the first week. This may or may not be a sign that they are developing a crush -- but either way I like to nip it in the bud early so that they don't get the wrong impression and so we don't end up losing a student.
How to deal with them: They are harmless. As soon as they start asking me questions, I always work in that I started with my husband. It only takes one sentence -- and it's best to do it early before they get their hopes up.
Word of Caution for Dating Someone in the Dojo
Different dojo's have different rules when it comes to this. Personally, even though I started the martial arts with my husband, we've been pretty fortunate -- mostly because we had a solid relationship before starting our training together. However -- more often than not, I've seen personal relationships that start in the dojo -- end badly. When this happens and both people still continue to study in the same dojo -- it gets uncomfortable, and I mean really uncomfortable.... for everyone. Even if you try and not make it so. Eventually one person will leave. If you start a relationship with someone in the dojo -- one of you will most likely be the one to leave the dojo -- figure out if you're willing to be the one to sacrifice that.
Take it in as your training, girls. This is real life. The dojo is not perfect and neither are the people in it. Don't run away from an uncomfortable situation -- figure out how to deal with it because I promise you it will not be the first time nor the last. The dojo can be a microcosm of the real world -- your training doesn't begin and end only with the physical techniques.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Visiting Other Schools
I don't know whether it's unique or not -- but I've been a one-dojo-girl during my entire time in the martial arts. I've never felt the need to look elsewhere for training -- as I've always trusted in my instructor's teachings, otherwise I wouldn't be his student. Being still a student, I never felt it was up to me to decide where my training should and/or shouldn't go -- I don't know enough nor have trained long enough to make those decisions -- which is why I have to trust in my instructor's guidance. What ever my instructor felt I should be working on -- is what I felt I should be working on. No question.
That's why it's strange to me, very uncomfortable really, when my fellow dojo mates talk about wanting to go and train at other dojos with other instructors -- as if they're missing out on some new secret technique or magical way of moving. I have a few issues with this...
1. You are not an individual. I don't believe in visting other dojo's or training with other instructors without the permission of your instructor. Why? When you become a student of someone -- you are no longer operating as an individual. You represent your school and your instructor. If your instructor is highly ranked at all and well known -- you run the serious risk of tarnishing their reputation if you approach another dojo or instructor incorrectly. Also -- what does it say about the amount of respect you carry for your own instructor's teaching if you approach another instructor on your own for training.
2. There are no secret techniques -- and if there were, you wouldn't be shown them as a casual student who shows up every once in awhile. The concepts in the martial arts are very similar to eachother regardless of the art you are studying. Study your art. Look deeply, everything you need to know is there. Trust in your instructor's guidance. If you are the kind of student that is impatient and is always looking to learn a "new" technique or "something new" --- chances are your technique isn't very good to begin with. Nothing is really new -- it's all variations on fundamental concepts that you should be working at.
3. Loyalty. I have difficulty writing about this one -- because you either have it or you don't. If you don't feel loyalty towards your instructor who shows up every class, rain or shine, sick or healthy, injured or not -- just to pass on their knowledge to you -- then I cannot help you. You may be this kind of person, and you may be nice and my friend and my training partner -- but you will never have my respect nor my trust.
So, in short -- if you feel the need to take over your own training (and qualified to do so) -- you either haven't found a good Sensei or you're the kind of person that I don't want to know -- not because you're not a good person. But because your techniques probably aren't at the level they should be -- and you're not patient enough to walk the real path of training. This leads to injury and a disrespect for your teachers and your training partners -- and frankly I don't feel safe training with you.
That's why it's strange to me, very uncomfortable really, when my fellow dojo mates talk about wanting to go and train at other dojos with other instructors -- as if they're missing out on some new secret technique or magical way of moving. I have a few issues with this...
1. You are not an individual. I don't believe in visting other dojo's or training with other instructors without the permission of your instructor. Why? When you become a student of someone -- you are no longer operating as an individual. You represent your school and your instructor. If your instructor is highly ranked at all and well known -- you run the serious risk of tarnishing their reputation if you approach another dojo or instructor incorrectly. Also -- what does it say about the amount of respect you carry for your own instructor's teaching if you approach another instructor on your own for training.
2. There are no secret techniques -- and if there were, you wouldn't be shown them as a casual student who shows up every once in awhile. The concepts in the martial arts are very similar to eachother regardless of the art you are studying. Study your art. Look deeply, everything you need to know is there. Trust in your instructor's guidance. If you are the kind of student that is impatient and is always looking to learn a "new" technique or "something new" --- chances are your technique isn't very good to begin with. Nothing is really new -- it's all variations on fundamental concepts that you should be working at.
3. Loyalty. I have difficulty writing about this one -- because you either have it or you don't. If you don't feel loyalty towards your instructor who shows up every class, rain or shine, sick or healthy, injured or not -- just to pass on their knowledge to you -- then I cannot help you. You may be this kind of person, and you may be nice and my friend and my training partner -- but you will never have my respect nor my trust.
So, in short -- if you feel the need to take over your own training (and qualified to do so) -- you either haven't found a good Sensei or you're the kind of person that I don't want to know -- not because you're not a good person. But because your techniques probably aren't at the level they should be -- and you're not patient enough to walk the real path of training. This leads to injury and a disrespect for your teachers and your training partners -- and frankly I don't feel safe training with you.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Grooming and Uniform
Uniform
Uniforms will vary depending on the type of art that you are studying -- for those arts that require a standard white gi -- here is my advice...
1. No patches -- keep your uniform plain white and in pristine condition -- if your uniform starts to fray at the collar, buy a new one
2. No colored uniforms -- plain white please
3. Plain white tank top with built-in sports bra -- to wear underneath your top
4. You should wear your gi top the same way as the men (left panel over right panel) -- remember, there are no girls in the dojo
Hair
1. No metal or plastic hair ties
2. If you need to use hair ties -- white rubber bands only -- not colored, unless you are a Dan rank -- then ok to use black
3. If your hair is on the longer side, keep it tied back. My favorite ways that have been proven to work:
-- High pony tail -- with or without the pony tail braided and secured with a white hair band
-- Low pony tail -- with or without the pony tail braided and secured with a white hair band
-- Hair twisted into a bun, secured with a white hair tie, then wrapped with a white scrunchy for additional support
-- For extra long hair -- secured into a low pony tail, then braided, then twisted into a low bun, then secured with a white hair tie
** In general, you'll get less breakage and hair being ripped out if you braid the loose ends
Makeup
1. Forget it, keep your face clean -- otherwise your makeup may rub off on your training partner's uniform -- not ok
2. No one is there to check you out, get over it. The dojo is not a singles club or a catwalk -- au nautral is best
Nails
1. Keep them short -- your training partners will thank you
2. It's ok to wear polish on hands and toes if you'd like
Jewelry
1. None
Uniforms will vary depending on the type of art that you are studying -- for those arts that require a standard white gi -- here is my advice...
1. No patches -- keep your uniform plain white and in pristine condition -- if your uniform starts to fray at the collar, buy a new one
2. No colored uniforms -- plain white please
3. Plain white tank top with built-in sports bra -- to wear underneath your top
4. You should wear your gi top the same way as the men (left panel over right panel) -- remember, there are no girls in the dojo
Hair
1. No metal or plastic hair ties
2. If you need to use hair ties -- white rubber bands only -- not colored, unless you are a Dan rank -- then ok to use black
3. If your hair is on the longer side, keep it tied back. My favorite ways that have been proven to work:
-- High pony tail -- with or without the pony tail braided and secured with a white hair band
-- Low pony tail -- with or without the pony tail braided and secured with a white hair band
-- Hair twisted into a bun, secured with a white hair tie, then wrapped with a white scrunchy for additional support
-- For extra long hair -- secured into a low pony tail, then braided, then twisted into a low bun, then secured with a white hair tie
** In general, you'll get less breakage and hair being ripped out if you braid the loose ends
Makeup
1. Forget it, keep your face clean -- otherwise your makeup may rub off on your training partner's uniform -- not ok
2. No one is there to check you out, get over it. The dojo is not a singles club or a catwalk -- au nautral is best
Nails
1. Keep them short -- your training partners will thank you
2. It's ok to wear polish on hands and toes if you'd like
Jewelry
1. None
Should you train when you're feeling under the weather?
This is actually a trick question. When I first began my training (the first 3 years) -- I would come down with the occassional cold, or feel extra tired one day, or have a fever, or feel sore, or [add what ever else you can think of as an excuse for not going to class].
I remember I would ask my Sensei if he thought I should still attend class. His answer was always the same. "I'm always in class. But it's up to you." I am a slow learner, and not a very good student -- so I obviously asked the question more than once. People often do this until they hear the answer they want to hear.
I understood from his asnwer -- that yes, I should be in class. The funny thing is that every time I was feeling under the weather for any reason -- and had to drag myself to class -- I always felt better during and afterwards -- fever or no fever. sprained ankle or no sprained ankle. Special things happen when you step into the dojo -- what ever was wrong kinda dissapears -- you have no choice but to train. Somehow your body understands that -- and puts everything in line. The lesson was to work through whatever was going on -- to learn to control your body and your mind.
The other lesson from his answer, that I didn't realize until many years later -- was that he was always in the dojo -- whether he was sick, injured, tired, whether the entire town was flooded and the roads closed, etc. He always showed up to teach us -- no excuses. no questions. If he was willing to do that for us -- we should be willing to show up to learn -- no matter what. You will always learn something if you are open -- even if the lesson is how to conserve your energy while training.
I recently had a new student ask me if they should show up for training after they had incurred a broken ankle (not a result of training). What do you think my answer was?
If you have a broken body part -- it doesn't mean you have to physically train, but you can always show up to take notes and watch -- you're still learning and training your mind.
I remember I would ask my Sensei if he thought I should still attend class. His answer was always the same. "I'm always in class. But it's up to you." I am a slow learner, and not a very good student -- so I obviously asked the question more than once. People often do this until they hear the answer they want to hear.
I understood from his asnwer -- that yes, I should be in class. The funny thing is that every time I was feeling under the weather for any reason -- and had to drag myself to class -- I always felt better during and afterwards -- fever or no fever. sprained ankle or no sprained ankle. Special things happen when you step into the dojo -- what ever was wrong kinda dissapears -- you have no choice but to train. Somehow your body understands that -- and puts everything in line. The lesson was to work through whatever was going on -- to learn to control your body and your mind.
The other lesson from his answer, that I didn't realize until many years later -- was that he was always in the dojo -- whether he was sick, injured, tired, whether the entire town was flooded and the roads closed, etc. He always showed up to teach us -- no excuses. no questions. If he was willing to do that for us -- we should be willing to show up to learn -- no matter what. You will always learn something if you are open -- even if the lesson is how to conserve your energy while training.
I recently had a new student ask me if they should show up for training after they had incurred a broken ankle (not a result of training). What do you think my answer was?
If you have a broken body part -- it doesn't mean you have to physically train, but you can always show up to take notes and watch -- you're still learning and training your mind.
Obligation
In every dojo there is always a heirarchy, either overtly expressed or implied. At the top of that heirarchy is the head instructor. If you stick around long enough, and very few people do, you'll notice that people age.
People get older. When the head instructor is unable to teach any longer -- is when you find out the real core of people. The senior students who were the most respected and revered -- are sometimes the first ones willing to abondon the dojo they spent decades in -- at it's greatest time of need.
Are they obligated to stay and help? Yes. Because if they are a serious student of the traditional martial arts, they understand that they were obligated to their instructor in a very serious intimate way, the very moment that instructor decided to take them on as a student.
But what happens if they leave? Well, you learn the value of the student. It's good to have a healthy respect for everyone in the dojo. But those that are worthy of the greatest amount of respect -- won't reveal themselves until the instructor needs them to.
People get older. When the head instructor is unable to teach any longer -- is when you find out the real core of people. The senior students who were the most respected and revered -- are sometimes the first ones willing to abondon the dojo they spent decades in -- at it's greatest time of need.
Are they obligated to stay and help? Yes. Because if they are a serious student of the traditional martial arts, they understand that they were obligated to their instructor in a very serious intimate way, the very moment that instructor decided to take them on as a student.
But what happens if they leave? Well, you learn the value of the student. It's good to have a healthy respect for everyone in the dojo. But those that are worthy of the greatest amount of respect -- won't reveal themselves until the instructor needs them to.
Because You're a Girl
Most of my workout partners are men, only because there are very few women who train in martial arts. So for the most part -- my training partners, my Sempai's, and my teachers are all men. I have no problem with this. I am smaller than all of them -- and I like the challenge of finding ways to make the arts work for my body type -- so that I can help those beneath me. As they say -- you probably won't get attacked by someone smaller than you. So, personally I like training with bigger fellows.
Recently one of my training partners was over at the house and a funny little conversation happened. He was talking about the great respect that he had for one of the senior students -- how that senior student always showed him how a technique was supposed to work. I told him that my experience was quite different than his -- that I was rarely given the opportunity to learn from that particular senior student. My training partner's response ---- "it's because you're a girl."
I was a bit shocked at first, but not by much. And frankly it's not the first time I've heard this in the dojo. Do I believe it? Yes and No. More importantly I decided a long time ago to pay no mind to those types of behaviors or comments.
For me, there are only two people's thoughts/opinions that matter in my training -- my instructor's opinion and mine (which is always the same as my instructors opinion). This allows for a certain sense of clean honesty and truth in training. I know how I train. My instructor knows how I train -- if he didn't, I wouldn't be a student of his.
I know that I never use "being a girl" as an excuse to not perform at the level I am expected to perform. I also know that I train harder and longer than most of my training partners. So, nothing else matters.
Do I find myself training alone sometimes without the guidance of the higher ranks or senior students. Absolutely. Do I think it's because I'm girl? For me, I choose not to have that conversation because it doesn't really matter. My choice is to follow the path that my instructor has laid out before me -- the rocks and pebbles in the way -- are insignificant.
Recently one of my training partners was over at the house and a funny little conversation happened. He was talking about the great respect that he had for one of the senior students -- how that senior student always showed him how a technique was supposed to work. I told him that my experience was quite different than his -- that I was rarely given the opportunity to learn from that particular senior student. My training partner's response ---- "it's because you're a girl."
I was a bit shocked at first, but not by much. And frankly it's not the first time I've heard this in the dojo. Do I believe it? Yes and No. More importantly I decided a long time ago to pay no mind to those types of behaviors or comments.
For me, there are only two people's thoughts/opinions that matter in my training -- my instructor's opinion and mine (which is always the same as my instructors opinion). This allows for a certain sense of clean honesty and truth in training. I know how I train. My instructor knows how I train -- if he didn't, I wouldn't be a student of his.
I know that I never use "being a girl" as an excuse to not perform at the level I am expected to perform. I also know that I train harder and longer than most of my training partners. So, nothing else matters.
Do I find myself training alone sometimes without the guidance of the higher ranks or senior students. Absolutely. Do I think it's because I'm girl? For me, I choose not to have that conversation because it doesn't really matter. My choice is to follow the path that my instructor has laid out before me -- the rocks and pebbles in the way -- are insignificant.
Nursing an Injury
I tweaked my knee a little bit doing a technique with a heavier partner. Actually my knee hyperextended a bit. 100% my fault, I should know by now to keep my knees bent. Anyway -- reminds me that there is a fine line between nursing an injury and still being able to work out. Many of us when we get small injuries here or there, take the opportunity to stop training. This falls into my category of whining. And as you know, I don't believe in whining in the dojo.
I found a flexble knee brace that allows me to train, albeit a little easier. But I don't step off the mat and use it as an excuse to stop training. Finding a way to work with your injuries while allowing them to heal -- is an art in itself.
I found a flexble knee brace that allows me to train, albeit a little easier. But I don't step off the mat and use it as an excuse to stop training. Finding a way to work with your injuries while allowing them to heal -- is an art in itself.
There are no women in the dojo
To understand the words that I'll write here -- you'll need to understand the way that I think. I learned a long time ago -- that there are no girls in the dojo. What does that mean? It means that there are no excuses for not being able to do something -- just because you're a "girl." Us girls, love playing the "girl" card when it's convenient. I have no patience for those types of women. Don't get me wrong -- I revel in skirts, high heels and lipstick and cooking for my husband. But in the dojo, it's different.
Don't come to me and tell me you're not strong enough, or that you'll break a nail. Cut your nails and do some push ups. There is no whining and no excuses. Yes, you are a girl training in martial arts. Some things will be harder for you -- other things easier. But mostly, you'll have to try harder and be better to earn the respect of your fellow dojo mates. No whining. No complaining. No girls in the dojo.
Don't come to me and tell me you're not strong enough, or that you'll break a nail. Cut your nails and do some push ups. There is no whining and no excuses. Yes, you are a girl training in martial arts. Some things will be harder for you -- other things easier. But mostly, you'll have to try harder and be better to earn the respect of your fellow dojo mates. No whining. No complaining. No girls in the dojo.
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