Pick and Choose

Recently, I had a student come to me and ask if it was appropriate to ask the head instructor if they could choose a different workout partner in class. This particular student was promoted at the same time and to the same rank as one of our more lethargic students and so they tend to be paired up together for most classes.

Although we'll most likely try to rotate different partners through for this student -- my answer to her was "no." No, you don't get to choose your workout partner ... just as you don't get to choose your attacker (as my Sensei always likes to say).

If you've been in the martial arts long enough -- you will have worked out with some people that aren't always the best fit -- for what ever reason. When you work out with a partner -- it's exactly that -- a partnership forms. Sometimes it's not perfect, but in those cases it's even more important to come to an understanding.

In my training -- I remember a few partners very clearly --

1. One was huge, lethargic and a solid 275. My job was to throw him. Myself, at 140lbs, and studying for only about a year -- this was a daunting task. I had trouble moving him, let alone throwing him. At first I thought it was because of the weight difference. We would take turns back and forth throwing eachother (or attempting to) -- me going over, and him simply walking around me. After awhile I got really frustrated and so I started to pay more attention. I noticed that when I grabbed onto him, I could feel that he would sink his weight into the mat, just to make it a little more "challenging" for me. I decided next time it was his turn to throw me, I would do the same. When we switched and he grabbed on and attempted to throw me, instead of going over as I had been doing ... all of a sudden he couldn't move me. He stopped and shook his head in confusion, then attempted to throw again. Again, I didn't budge. I think he got the point, because next time we switched and it was my turn to throw him -- all of sudden he became light as a feather and went over. We had come to an unspoken understanding.

2. One hated me. It's a different kind of feeling to stand in front of someone who oozes hatred for you out of every pore and have to form a partnership. This person would avoid working out with me -- by obviously walking to the extreme other side of the room when ever they were near me. Outside of the class, this person would be friendly with everyone else but me. I hated this feeling and constantly evaluated everything that I could be doing that may be creating this feeling of animosity towards me. When our Sensei forced her to workout with me, there was always a bit of disdain. She would never look at me when we worked out together. Even so, I was her assigned partner for one of her rank tests and we made it work. In a partnership that is not of your choosing -- you make it work no matter what, even when the person across from you hates you.

This person is no longer at the dojo, but I never quite understood why she had such a problem with me. In the end I chalked it up to our personalities being like oil and water -- we just never meshed.

3. One used to over power me. When first starting Karate I used to be really afraid of Kumite (sparring). Every time I would spar with a particular individual -- they would over power me with techniques -- I felt like a pebble on the beach that was constantly pounded by a never ending wave of attacks. It happened to be that this person was also bigger than me and used this to their advantage, but not in a mean way. I would go home in the evening and think about how to counter their attacks. After many years, one night in class, I tried changing the dynamic. The person came at me again with a barrage of attacks, the tsunami was coming. At that moment I sank into a deep shiko dachi -- and to my surprise, my attacker (at 225lbs) who was used to over powering me from above -- bounced off of me. There hasn't been a barrage since. I thank that particular partner every day for teaching me how to ground myself.

In Class
It is the case in class that you will be paired up with different kinds of partners. All will push you to excel -- either because their attitude elevates your own, or your attitude will help elevate theirs. Either way a partner with a good or bad attitude -- will teach you something about yourself and will push you to be your best.