Outside Perceptions

I was taught a long time ago that there are two kinds of martial artists:
1. Those that play at martial arts and want everyone to know that they study martial arts
2. and those that don't

I'd like to think that I fall under the second category. In general, I was taught that if you're a serious practitioner -- you keep it relatively secret from others. One reason being that it takes away an advantage of surprise if others know your capabilities.

Sometimes people find out that I study martial arts. My family mostly knows because of the numerous scheduling conflicts that arise -- after awhile they want to know why I'm unable to attend festivities with them on Mondays, Wednesdays or Fridays and some Saturdays and why I take trips to obscure places that have no obvious travel appeal. Once in awhile -- they tell someone they know about me.

Sometimes I bring it up in conversation -- when I'm trying to convince a woman to try class or take a women's self defense clinic. The truth is that I have a difficult time keeping my secret because I want people to try class.

I'll tell the woman next door about it when she complains that her husband belittles her and that she has to live with his physically aggressive daughter (that also happens to be in a local gang). I'll tell the meek woman down the street about it who allows her young teen sons to bully her and be disrespectful towards others. I'll tell the shy, scared, low-self-esteem woman about it. I'll tell the parent about it that has a shy child that's lacking social skills.  I'll tell the person that has a negative, pessimistic outlook on life. I'll tell the woman that just had her house broken into, and almost walked in on the crime. I know it can help all of them. I want it to help all of them.

I imagine if they only saw how much class can help -- that they'd be life long practitioners.

That's most often -- not the case.

I've found that most people I talk to about the martial arts, including family, fall into the following categories:
1. 90% will think it's weird, although most will not say it
2. 9% will think it's neat, but will never try it (because secretly they think it's weird)
3. 1% may think it's neat enough to try

For the majority of people that think it's strange, they will think it's additionally strange if you're a girl that chooses willingly to study what they consider to be "fighting." They don't see it as "self-defense" or confidence building skills. They equate martial arts with violent fighting -- and for a girl they don't see the interest.

I do have to say -- that the vast majority that I've encountered that feel this way -- are women. The men that know, think it's cute, even though they don't understand the appeal. The women, however, are different. I've heard the following comments from my mother, grandmother, cousins, friends, acquaintences...

-- "I'm a woman not a man, i have no interest in being like a man"
-- "that's not for girls"
-- "why do you do that to yourself"

When they say these things, they often don't realize that they're saying it to a woman that actively studies the martial arts and likes it. They don't see that. In their mind: martial arts = for men. But the women who say these things are exactly the type of women that would benefit from class --- they're fearful, afraid of being alone, co-dependant, lack self-esteem.

Studying martial arts doesn't make you a man. Just like male chefs aren't women.

The sad truth is that the women or people that need class the most, will never try it.

But do I continue to try and help the women I know? Yes. Do I continue to get shot down? Yes. I guess I learn the hard way. But I don't want to give up on them. Just as my instructor has not given up on me.