Working With / Teaching Men: Part 1 of 2

I've been fortunate to be involved in a dojo that has students start teaching other students pretty early. It's part of our philosophy of helping one another learn and grow in the dojo -- they learn the technique and you learn how to teach. Both take time and practice.

The plain truth is that most people who start the martial arts -- do so because they want to learn self defense. The majority of those people are men. Most men don't want to learn self-defense from a woman. Period. Not because you're not good, or knowledgeable, or highly ranked -- but because you're a girl.

There is an unspoken dynamic that happens when a woman teaches a man in the dojo. No one really likes to talk about it, and we often pretend it doesn't exist -- but it does. How you navigate that dynamic -- is important to your training and theirs.

Most of the time you won't have any issues teaching men and getting through this dynamic. However, in my years I've encountered a few groups that pose additional challenges.

Some Men Over 40 or Very Machismo Men
Many men who are much older than you (old enough to be your father) will have a tough time recieving comments or instruction from you. They will see you first as a girl/woman/female -- it doesn't matter what color your belt is, how good you are etc -- you are a girl. Period. They will think that you teaching them is rather cute. They might even smile or chuckle at your instruction -- not in a mean way, but you're just so darn cute when you're telling them what to do. And if you're rather good at techniques -- they'll think that's cute too.

Deep down, they're afraid of hurting you. The truth of the matter is that they want to be able to test out what they learn on guys who know how to defend themselves -- guys that they don't have to worry about hurting.

They'll never imagine that if the two of you met in an alley -- that you might actually win. That concept is not in the realm of reality for them. This is a good thing. As a serious martial artist, you don't actually want people to know that you study martial arts. If they do know, you probably don't want to let on how good you are. Keeping the element of surprise in your favor is always good.

How you work with them/teach them
Most men in this category actually want to learn and most will take their training rather seriously. You have to take the fact that you're a girl -- out of the equation. Your goal is to have them take you seriously as a dojo mate/instructor. You will never be able to get it 100% out of their minds -- but you can get 75% out.

I've had the most luck doing this by working on my techniques and making sure they are as effective as possible. Yes, that means you will need to work harder at making your techniques better. If you are able to apply your techniques effectively to larger and stronger opponents -- this speaks volumes. This means being able to throw someone bigger than you or block a punch from someone stronger than you. Truth wins...and the simple truth is that if your techniques work and are effective, men will be more open to receiving comments from you. Make the fact that you are a girl -- irrelevant.

The other way to get them to be more open to recieving comments from you is through control. What I mean by "control" is that the moment you touch them, maybe even before you touch them -- you are in control of them and the situation. The sense of control is in your touch and in your presence. They will feel this. It will remove any question. You can only get this through good technique.You'll know they feel it when the smirk on their face immediately dissappears. Then the training can begin. No question.